Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
