Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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