i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize