I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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