Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
