My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
