pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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