The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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