Plan B is the new Plan A
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
