worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
