i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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