I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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