Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
