I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
