i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
