we're blogging at a bar
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
