so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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