I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Panties = found
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
