I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize