remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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