batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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