Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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