The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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