i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
