What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
