the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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