Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
