I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
