I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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