today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize