so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
