my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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