evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
