No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
