Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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