He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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