That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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