Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
