Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
