i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
