Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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