I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
