great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
