then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
