Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have aggressive nipples.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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