But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
