told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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