no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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