I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
