Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
