Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
