I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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