We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
