Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
