what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
