oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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