Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
