so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Welp...herpes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
