My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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