areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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