I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
