It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
