Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
