Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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