Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
