so explain again why im purple
no
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
