maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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