I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
