It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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