I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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