I just threw up on my dentist
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
