So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
