Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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