so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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