lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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